You meet a man for a drink. The date goes really well. The conversation flows. You both laugh a lot. He flirts with you, gives you a hug and says, “I’ll call you”. Yet, he doesn’t and you never hear from him again. When this happens, it’s such an awful feeling. Not only do you feel rejected, you start second guessing yourself, replaying the date over and over again in your head wondering what you did wrong that turned him from interested into he’s not that into you.
First of all, I want to reassure you that you’re not alone. This happens to everyone when they are dating. Try not to take the fact that he’s not that into you personally. You might not fit the picture of who he thinks he wants when you meet. Just like many men don’t fit the picture of who you think you want in your life.
Now that being said, there are 3 things you might be doing that could cause the He’s Not That Into You Syndrome. Let’s take a look at these and what you can do instead to prevent this from happening in your over 50’s dating life.
You might wonder how you could possibly remind a man of his ex. Here’s how. You wear the same perfume or carry the exact purse she wore. It’s possible you say phrases that remind him of her and that triggers something in him that turns him off. This one, you have no control over and there is NOTHING you can do to prevent it from happening because it’s likely you don’t know his wife.
What you can do is go on a date with no expectations of how it will turn out other than to meet someone new and interesting. Best thing you can do is be out there dating more than one man at a time until you choose to be exclusive with one of them. (Hint here: After each date, jot down what a man does, how many kids he has and any other facts you might learn. This way you don’t get men mixed up.)
As women, we are looking for men who can stimulate our minds with great conversation as we play and have fun getting to know each other. For men, an intelligent confident woman is important, but what he really wants to connect to is your heart.
So you might say, “Lisa, what does this mean?” Men love women who are passionate about life and that passion when you express something with excitement comes from your heart. Men also love the softer side of women. It’s a safe haven for a man and although he never wants to look less than in your eyes, he knows you will always be there with a hug or a warm thought when he’s had a bad day.
Your heart is also where you’re most vulnerable and your vulnerability is what triggers a man to step up and be your hero. He knows you can do it yourself, but what makes him feel good is when he can make your life easier in some way.
The secret is for you to learn to receive and let him. From my own experience, I can tell you this is a win-win situation for both of you when you do.
You’re strong. You’re successful. And you’re actually pretty good at not only getting things done, but good at getting them done well. You’ve had to be or you wouldn’t have survived after a marriage ended. As a result, you’re used to taking control of situations and making sure what needs to get done gets completed.
But, when you take control on a first date whether it’s getting the waiter to come over because you’re starving or asking for the manager when your hamburger was well done, you’re giving a new man the impression he’s NOT good enough in your eyes to handle situations that come up and that feels emasculating to him.
If he feels emasculated on a first date, he thinks he’ll never be able to make you happy so why even try. This turns him off and keeps him from being into you. Yes, you are capable of getting the waiter or manager, but let a man do it for you.
Why? Chances are you’re tired of making decisions and doing everything alone. This is an opportunity to get your needs met by a man you love without appearing aggressive or controlling. Again, from experience, it’s nice not having to do it all!