First dates can be made out to be more than they’re meant to be. Wanting to know if he’s your soulmate or interviewing him to determine if he has all your must-haves creates an inauthentic experience. Yet, it still surprises these individuals when he doesn’t ask for a second date.
What if you came to it like meeting someone new and interesting? How would you behave if you were a guest at a dinner party? How would you engage the stranger sitting next to you on a plane?
You allow him to take the lead and make the plans for the date. This is important because it gives space for the masculine energy to show up by doing and displaying the leadership qualities that women seek. What a gift this is for the woman who has to do everything herself!
For example, when he says he chose the restaurant because he took cues from your earlier conversation that you like French food, you don’t let on that you know of a better place to dine. Rather, you express genuine appreciation and build him up for his efforts. You’re mindful that all he wants to do is please you. In a world where he gets little acknowledgment, he seeks recognition from the woman who will be his partner in life.
It seems obvious, but, this social blunder is a top offender. Put your phone on silent and in your purse – not on the table. Giving him your undivided attention makes him feel important.
If you want to know the secret to dating well, it’s maximizing your opportunities to be fully engaged and present during the date – whether you want to see him again or not. Showing sincere interest in another is an act of generosity.
What you talk about matters.
The quality of your conversation is a direct reflection of your skill in drawing another out. Asking thoughtful and follow up questions creates an impression that you’re interested in who he is – not where he works out or how online dating has been for him. And, do you really care?
Center the dialogue on your passions, not your stuff. Listing all your achievements, places you’ve traveled and talking ad nauseam about your job is your stuff. This is what men do every day in the workplace. They try to impress and one-up each other.
Trust me, the only thing he’s focused on is how you make him feel; not how accomplished you are. Performing a one-woman show by harping on about yourself lacks self awareness. Polite conversation is a volley; share stories and ask him to do the same.
A man does appreciate your intelligence and your passions. He is singularly focused on how he FEELS with you and this is what keeps him coming back.
A smart woman knows to reveal what makes her happy. She talks about her hobbies and what gets her excited about life. She has a life she loves because a man is inspired by a woman who is inspired by herself.
You release the intense, domineering aura and give yourself permission to feel your feelings. You get centered in your softer, relaxed self. Take time to decompress before your date – maybe take a bubble bath or get a massage.
In this softer being that is your authentic feminine, you’re not afraid to say to him that you’re nervous about the date. Congratulations! You have just revealed your vulnerable self. You’re relatable and, if he’s feeling likewise, now he’s safe to tell you the same.
This is not to imply you downplay your empowered self. A man wants to be with a successful woman. He just wants to experience her softer supportive side in equal measure.
You can do this without morphing into the masculine by asking him out. Saying, “I had a lovely time. I’d enjoy seeing you again,” gives him the confidence and courage to ask for a second date.
Ultimately, the woman most likely to get a second date is the one detached from the outcome.
When you go with the intention of enjoying yourself, your company and having fun versus getting something, you are both going to enjoy the date a lot more. And, remember, it’s more important if you like him; not whether he likes you.