You need some time to heal your heart after a relationship ends. Otherwise, you end up dragging your unfinished baggage from the last guy right on over to the new guy.
After a breakup, it’s normal to feel both pain and hurt in your heart. If you don’t take the time to heal the wounds from your last relationship, your heart will be afraid to open up to love again. To protect yourself, you could end up interrogating men to make sure they aren’t like your ex.
Women need to process what happened and you think, what better place to get insight than from another man? So you talk about your ex—the good, the bad and the ugly over coffee with a new man. He ends up thinking you’re a drama queen and has no interest in competing with a ghost who still haunts your heart.
When a relationship ends, take the time to heal before you date. Allow yourself to grieve over this loss even if you broke it off. It’s a great time for getting to know YOU again.
Loving yourself totally and completely sends vibes into the world of a happy, confident and openhearted woman. And that, not a grieving woman still hung up on her ex, is the type of woman a man is looking to share his life with.
Most women are looking for instant chemistry when they meet a man for the first time. They want to feel a zing happen in their body. The thing is, the “zing” is nothing more than a hormonal reaction as the bonding hormone, Oxytocin, surges through you.
Instant chemistry is powerful. But, ultimately it can blind you to who a man really is. Strong chemistry quickly creates a false sense of feeling in love. What’s really happening is lust not love, from Oxytocin being continually released in your body.
Strong chemistry is NOT SUSTAINABLE. It’s great for having sex, but life doesn’t just happen in the bedroom. Make sure the man you feel the strong zing with can also be there for you as your friend and your companion. A man who will share the ups and downs of life.
Next time you go on a date with a good man who treats you well and who is cute in your eyes, give him a chance even if you’re not feeling the instant zing. Slow burning chemistry can grow as you get to know him. You want this type of chemistry when you’re over 50 dating if your goal is a long term relationship.
Recently a friend and I were talking about over 50 dating and the men she wanted to meet. She shared qualities she thought would make her compatible with a man. He had to be handsome… at least in her eyes. And she really wanted someone who could share her love of the outdoors. If he had those two qualities, he’d be perfect.
As a dating coach who’s helped many women find their Mr. Right, I knew these qualities were not going to create long-term compatibility for her. Being compatible doesn’t mean having everything in common.
Your shared values are what create compatibility in a long-term relationship. Oftentimes, we put a high value on men qualities like looks and profession. A man can make a lot of money, yet be a snake in real life.
What you want to do is place high value on a man who shares common values like honesty, monogamy or great communication skills.
Can you tell if a man has similar values on a first date? Probably not. This is something you’ll find out as you get to know him better.
But while you’re working on figuring this out, listen to his stories. They will give you the clues you need for figuring out whether your values are a match.
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