When was the last time you interviewed for a job? Perhaps it’s been a long time or, you may be in job search mode now and actively interviewing. The job interview process can be exhausting. It requires research on the company and the role for which you’re interviewing and practicing your responses to questions that interviewers may ask.
Being able to articulate your qualifications, experience and gaps in your resume, if any, is the primary focus of the interview. You also go in armed with knowledge of the company since there is a ton of information about the company on the Internet. If you get hired, you know the company has bought into your “brand”. But even with all this preparation and research, you won’t know for sure if the role you accepted is the best fit for you, or if the company culture is a match for your values.
There are some things that don’t reveal themselves until you’ve actually taken a job and experience the day in and day out of the new company. The same theory found in the interview process can be applied to sorting, selecting and seeing what you want and need in the right relationship partner… with some caveats.
Smart, successful women have sometimes mistakenly carried these exact interview skills into dating in hopes of finding a romantic relationship. The notion that the man must provide his relationship resume on a first or subsequent date to qualify him as a potential relationship candidate is enough to make any man disappear. Those same skills that made you a great interview won’t make you a good first date.
Asking your date a series of questions without any back and forth in conversation is going to feel like a Spanish Inquisition of sorts. It is also likely why he doesn’t ask you out again. Trying to get too many answers on a first date doesn’t let the relationship unfold naturally and likely to destroy any chance of getting to know a really great guy. For example, inquiring as to the reason a man’s last relationship ended is not relevant to you or getting to know him. This approach kills the energy and robs you of the opportunity for him to get to know you.
Instead come from a place of curiosity and observation. Allow for the conversation to be natural and flowing. Just as you would in a client meeting, engage him so that he leads the conversation and be a good listener. Focus on how you feel in his presence and let his behavior show you what he’s like. Character, consistency and communication are far better indicators of who the person sitting across from you is as a man – none of which will be revealed in one date.
Unless your date discloses he’s just been released from federal prison for embezzling, going out at least three times before deciding if you’d like to continue dating him is a good rule of thumb. His character, consistency and communication will unfold over time. For those who “just know” on a first date, I submit that none of us “just know.” Consider that being so quick to judge can be a way you keep yourself from intimacy.
While this sense of self-preservation has, perhaps, propelled you forward in the corporate environment, it will always keep you from honing your savvy in sorting, selecting and seeing the right partner. Relax and engage in the art of conversation. I assure you that you’ll experience the date in a way that you should’ve all along – as your authentic self.