Although Cupid’s intentions are pure, he causes a lot of anxiety each year. Especially for the single crowd. Instead of celebrating love, or the mere possibility of it, Valentine’s Day gets a bad rap. “Singles Awareness Day” becomes the most dreaded day of the year for those not spoken for, cluttered with tattered hearts and boxes of tissues. This year, let’s switch our mindset and embrace the day with gratitude. Instead of being down, use this day to learn how to love yourself.
Now that I have the viewpoint of being joyfully in love with myself, I can look at this day with a whole new perspective. Here is what I see: Valentine’s Day can be a day of powerful change, a starting point for a new direction. It can be the day you pause, take a look in the mirror and commit to answering the question that you’ve been pondering in your heart, “Do I truly wish to share my life with someone?”
If your answer is yes you may need to acknowledge that in order to share your life, you need to do something different. Rather than dwelling over the man who is not (yet) in your life, make February 14 all about you and getting exactly what you want for your future. If you want to attract that incredible man and say goodbye to being single or settling for men because they want you, your place to start is by focusing on you.
This is not about remaking yourself or acting like someone you’re not. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. This is about sitting down for some honest self-reflection, showing yourself some kindness and celebrating yourself.
An exercise I do with my private coaching clients, and the foundation of my coaching, starts with asking who am I? It helps you learn more about who you are and how to love yourself for being simply yourself. I invite you to do the same exercise. To help you fall in love with yourself, list all the things you love about yourself.
This concept is difficult for most women. Truthfully, how often are we asked to look at our fabulousness, not to mention actually state it out loud? But, if you can’t recognize why you’re amazing, you won’t be able to convey it to a man. Most women come up with the usual things to start. “I’m smart, I’m independent, I’m a good mom, I have great hair.” Then they hit a brick wall.
When was the last time you truly focused solely on yourself? Have you ever asked yourself, “What makes me a good person worthy of love?” If you haven’t, it’s time. Because if you don’t know the answer, men won’t know it either. You don’t have to be solving world peace to consider yourself wonderful, worthy and special. Things like being a good friend, being someone people can count on, the ability to handle life’s ups and downs, raising good children… These are all attributes you can shamelessly love about yourself.
If you don’t consider these things to be worth much, think about it this way. What do you want in a partner? Is kindness, commitment, good humor, or intelligence somewhere on your list? These seemingly little things count in a big way. I promise you, in some form or another, they are traits you possess.
I once heard a man say, “If a woman doesn’t love herself, why should I love her?” It’s the right thing to ask. Respect is key to our grownup relationships — and that begins with self-respect. Would you want a man who didn’t appear to love himself?
Don’t make this Valentine’s Day about what you don’t have or about men. Make it about yourself and what’s yet to come. Don’t put this off another year. Mark your calendar, make your plans, and get ready to learn how to love yourself. Make February 14 the day you fall in love with yourself!
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