I have always maintained that if you’re a smart, successful woman who embraces your singleness and understands that happiness is an inside job, you are a man magnet. You also know that you don’t need a man, but, you’re happy to admit that you want one.
We date at the level of our self-esteem. Your relationship is a direct reflection of your own self-love and self-worth.
I wondered why does a woman rush into a relationship without having these fundamentals of self in check? Failing to do the inner work and taking stock of self-worth, self-love and self-limiting beliefs is a recipe for repeating the same patterns. Over the course of many years investigating and studying the pursuit of romantic love and relationships, I’ve learned a lot.
1. DO appreciate being single. It’s a great opportunity to discover your own interests (as opposed to the things you do because your partner enjoys it). Find out if you actually like to go to bowling, hike, or go to art openings. Focusing on your own joy is not selfish – it’s smart and necessary.
2. DON’T think something is wrong with you for being single. As I’ve said before, being single is not a disease. It’s a state of relationship. Our greatest saboteur is the junk in our head.
Taking a break between relationships is the healthiest thing a person can do, especially if you’ve dated a less than desirable jerk or behaved like one. Think of it like an open stab wound. Let it heal before you run around naked with someone else.
3. DO make time for your girlfriends. The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life. Female friendship has been the bedrock of women’s lives since women have been around – more so than male friendship.
Female friendships that work are relationships in which women help each other belong to themselves. ~Louise Bernikow
It provides connection, enjoyment and shared sensibilities. Science-based research supports when life becomes challenging, women seek out friendships with other women as a means of regulating stress levels.
4. DO believe that good men exist. There are thousands of good men all around you. You just have to be willing to see them.
When you choose to look at men differently – with kindness, openness and at what includes them versus what excludes them, the possibilities increase tenfold. Take responsibility for what you do want; think about it and what it looks like in real life. They may not be in the package you think you like, and they may not come when you feel you deserve them the most, but they’re there. I believe it. You should too.
It’s a new year, what possibilities will you create for your love-life?
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