Why Bad Dates Can be Good for You

bad dates

“People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” – Unknown

There are times in the dating process where you might have a slew of bad dates, crazy people, drama, men who can’t commit or unfulfilling relationships. If you go through enough of them—you might think there’s something wrong with you. I want to turn it around and suggest that the process of having bad dates can be very effective in helping you find your best match.

How do I know this? Because not only have I experienced the process of bad dates to show me what I want and need, but my clients have too. All these things are purposeful in dating. Why? Whereas dating is trial and error, guess who’s actually getting educated? You!

Remember when you were just starting to date? You were likely a teenager. At this age you don’t know what you want. Then you start getting involved with a person and you date for a while; maybe it evolves into a long term relationship. You start to rack up data on what you don’t want. Knowing what you don’t want—when you’ve applied thinking to it—along with your core needs and values will lead you to what you want. This is why the values exercise built into my coaching program is so far-reaching.

When you have a clear vision of what you do want—you’re just a step away from your perfect match.

When I ask others what was different when they found their true match, they say, “It was so easy. It was effortless. I can’t believe all the years I spent trying to put a square peg in a round hole; all the tears, drama and confusion I went through.”

Why would dating involve all of that? It’s suppose to be fun, after all. Because you’ll never know easy until you know hard. You’ll never get to clarity until you know what you don’t want.

I have a slightly different twist on the saying, “Love happens when you’re not looking.” Love happens when you’ve taken in all the data from your experiences and stored it in your memory bank. It then generates a prototype for the man who will now be your most aligned partner. In that awareness, you start doing something amazing—you start passing on partners. You go on a date and say, “No, that doesn’t work. Seen that—done that.”

Pass. Pass. Pass. Um—no—pass.

You start closing doors. Why? Because you’re clear. You know what you want and need. Then in this incredible moment where most give up, they don’t give up wanting what they want, they just start living their life. They say, “I still want love. I’m going to put it over here, though. I’m going to see my friends. I’m going to take up that hobby. I’ve always wanted to learn Spanish. I’ve always wanted to go on a safari in Africa.” They live their lives. In that relaxed state, where all the factors are collected in that data, they turn around one day and meet someone. Voila!

Relaxed, complete with information and having passed on the repeats they’ve seen and things they know don’t work for them. If you ever get frustrated, remember all of the dates you’ve gone through are purposeful. The reason for having some bad dates is indeed to show you what you want and need. No one can know what they don’t know until they walked through the physical experiences. This is how you come to your final destination. The person who is suppose to be your most aligned partner.


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