Let’s chat about something super important in the world of dating apps. It’s a nightmare scenario no one wants: accidentally going on a date with a married man. Unfortunately, with so many people using these apps, it’s becoming more common. But don’t worry, I’ve got your back! After having this happen to me last year, I am sharing some practical, no-nonsense advice to help you avoid this tricky situation and protect your heart. You deserve honesty and clarity, and we’re going to make sure you get it.
Before You Exchange Numbers
1) Look Closely at the Profile
Is there a full name or only a nickname? Even worse, an initial instead of a full name. A dead giveaway they have something to hide.
Are photos staged, overly professional, or identical across multiple profiles because they are AI images?
Do small details match (job title, location, hobbies) or are they vague/inconsistent?
2) Reverse-Image Search the Photos
A quick reverse image search (Google Images, PimEyes, or TinEye) can reveal if the photos are lifted from someone else’s social media, modeling sites, or stolen from another profile. They might even take you to someone’s job directory where you find out his name isn’t Louis, it’s Raul… sound oddly specific? This happened to me.
3) Check for Social Footprints
Search for the person’s name + city on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Real people often have multiple weak signals (old posts, friend lists, professional profiles).
No social presence isn’t proof of deception, but it’s a red flag if paired with other odd behavior.
4) Test the Phone Number the Smart Way
Enter the phone number into payment apps that show names or profiles (Venmo, Cash App) or into your contacts and try searching in apps that let you search contacts. If a real name appears that doesn’t match his profile, that’s suspicious.
Important caveat: Many legit people use Google Voice or privacy numbers, and not everyone uses payment apps. So a mismatch is worth double-checking, but not proof on its own.
Ask the Right Questions
Ask clearly, either over the phone or by text: “Are you completely divorced? I mean completely divorced — not separated, and not ‘divorce is pending.'”
Say it kindly but plainly. You deserve honesty. If they blow up over this while also saying they aren’t married, guess what? They wouldn’t be mad about the question if they were not hiding something!
Sample Scripts You Can Use
Gentle and direct (text): “Quick question, so we’re both on the same page — are you completely divorced? I mean fully finalized, not separated or ‘divorce pending.’ I want to be sure we’re both available for the same kind of relationship.”
Casual in conversation (voice/video): “Before we keep chatting, can I ask about something kind of practical — are you single and fully divorced? I’ve had weird experiences before and prefer to be direct.”
What to Do if They Dodge the Question
If they avoid the question, change the subject, or accuse you of prying — that’s a red flag.
If they say “it’s complicated,” it usually means it is. Ask for specifics, and if you still get vagueness, pause the relationship.
Verification Steps That Strengthen Confidence
1) Ask for a Video Call Early
A short video chat reveals a lot: do they look like their photos? (A lot of men use pictures that are super old and not current.) Do they seem comfortable explaining their situation?
2) Ask for a Last Name or Social Handle
A last name lets you cross-check (LinkedIn, public social pages). If they refuse, ask why — privacy is fine, evasiveness is not.
3) Meet in Public and Keep Initial Meetings Short
If you meet, do it during the day in a public place and tell a friend where you’re going. Plan something short that is easy to wrap up in case you need to get yourself out of there!
4) Watch for App-Behavior Red Flags
Do they disappear from the app right after getting your number? That can mean they maintain multiple accounts or want to hide activity.
Do they only text and never let you call or video? That’s dodging verification.
Red Flags That Often Mean “Proceed with Caution”
No last name and no social media footprint.
Refusal to video chat or meet in public.
Inconsistent stories about job, schedule, or family.
They claim “divorce pending” for a long time (months) with no clear timeline.
They avoid using their real phone number or push for secretive communication channels.
If you ever feel unsafe, remove contact, block the person, and, if necessary, report to the dating app and local authorities.
If You Discover They’re Married — A Calm Plan
1) Stop contact immediately — block and report to the app if they misrepresented themselves.
2) Don’t confront their spouse or family — it’s complicated and risky. Let them handle their life. I did tell the wife last year, and then got extremely worried that one of them might get aggressive with me. It wasn’t worth the stress. It’s sad, but it isn’t your problem.
3) Take care of yourself emotionally — it stings. Be kind to yourself and reach out to someone you trust, or to a counselor, if you need to process it. If you were cheated on during your own previous marriage, this situation can be extremely triggering.
Quick Checklist Before You Meet
Do I have their full name or at least a last name? (If not, why?)
Did I do a reverse image search on at least one photo?
Did I try a video call?
Does the phone number show any public/account name in Venmo/Cash App (if you checked)?
Did they directly answer “Are you completely divorced”?
Does their behavior match what they told me?
Final Pep Talk
You are allowed to be direct. You are allowed to ask practical questions. A decent, single person will understand why you want clarity and will answer calmly. If someone reacts badly to a simple, respectful question about divorce status, that reaction tells you more than their words.
You’ve got this — protect your time, your heart, and your safety. If you want, save this post as a checklist to copy/paste into messages or keep on your phone for quick reference.
