He snores. He’s messy. He doesn’t listen. There’s no more sex, romance, or fun. You may find yourself wondering…is my marriage worth saving?
Asking the question does not mean your marriage is doomed. Most couples dance with the topic at some point in their marriage. But sometimes, it can seem like the rough patches will never end, and you start to feel hopeless. It’s painful to stay and equally painful to imagine leaving. And, chances are, you are conflicted. So if you are spending time pondering divorce, before you make this life-changing decision, pour yourself a cup of coffee and consider the following signs that your marriage is, in fact, worth fighting for.
You Have Doubts
If you are having doubts about leaving your marriage—there’s a reason. When someone is done, they’re done. Consider, however, that you might not be giving the positive aspects of your marriage enough attention. Try shining a light on what has worked in your marriage and get some help. Because if leaving your marriage is truly the right thing to do, you likely won’t be having second thoughts.
You Still Respect Each Other
Marriages tend to fall apart when the two partners lose respect for one another. But in your case, your husband still respects you, and you respect him—despite his flaws.
You Can Relax With Him
Nobody wants to be on edge, angry, or frustrated when they’re around their spouse. It says a lot if you and your husband are still comfortable together.
You Are Both Willing to do the Work
Are you both prepared to invest the time and energy to learn how to build a healthy relationship? Can you each take responsibility for your actions, apologize and forgive? Are you both up for counseling, therapy, or whatever it takes to save the marriage? If the answer is yes, there’s tremendous potential to turn your relationship into the one you signed up for.
You Still Have Chemistry
It’s normal for chemistry to dwindle over time, but if you had that magical spark in the past and have faith that it can be reignited, then discuss it with your husband. Brainstorm ways you can put some of that zest back into your relationship. It can be a lot of fun and will only bring you closer.
You Value the Sanctity of Marriage.
For many, saying “I do” is a lifelong promise and a reason to avoid divorce. Spouses are forced to resolve issues in some way because neither is considering the option of leaving the marriage.
The Issues are Marriage Specific.
Did your spouse cheat? Is there abuse or addiction? Or are you simply fantasizing that there’s something better out there? If you and your spouse have problems that aren’t related to your relationship, your relationship issues won’t change until you do. So, while another infatuation phase might be tempting, chances are the headaches in this marriage will eventually show up in the next.
You Still Enjoy Spending Time Together
Are you and your husband still friends? Do you communicate well? Can you still laugh and have fun? Do you have shared interests and hobbies? Couples who enjoy spending time together have stronger relationships to draw on. If both people want the same things in life, enjoy doing various activities together, and for the most part, get along, a strong marriage can be rebuilt or revived.
You Share the Same Values
This means that you want the same things in life, and what’s important to you is equally important to him. But if he wants to move to Florida for senior living and golf, and you want to travel the world, or you want to spend more time with the kids, but the grandkids drive him nuts, chances are you are on separate life paths headed in different directions.
The Marriage Was Good Once
If he’s been loyal, honest, and thoughtful, and you’ve had warm feelings, a solid connection, and awesome sex, it’s a good sign that these things can be rekindled. But if you’ve never had chemistry or a strongconnection, you most likely shouldn’t have married in the first place.
You Still Love Each Other
Let us remember the most important component of a good marriage. Ask yourself if you love your husband—because love matters.
Even if the honeymoon phase ended years ago, it doesn’t mean your marriage did as well. If you are still able to see hints of what made you fall in love in the first place, you can’t imagine your life without him, and you are willing to do the hard work, then your marriage isn’t entirely broken. It’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and the potential beyond the challenges. So, instead of thinking about divorce, think of the reasons your marriage is worth saving, and from there, get busy, get up, and do something about it.
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