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Dating from a Man's perspective
Dating - New Love

Dating from a Man’s Perspective

Did you know that men – those odd little creatures that confuse us, confound us, and capture our hearts – have their own interests and turnoffs when it comes to us gals? And as they mature, these standards become more refined and, dare I say, reasonable. So, after copious amounts of dating, a few heartbreaks, and simply talking to a lot of men, I’ve composed a list of what over-50 men are looking for in women… and in the process, I discovered they’re an awful lot like me.

Interests & Turnoffs for Men Over 50

After interviewing a handful of men over 50 who are actively dating, we discovered what they find interesting and what turns them off. 

NO DRAMA, NO PRESSURE

“Life is hard enough… People don’t need other people putting them in situations that create a non-peaceful environment. I can play games with my grandkids.” – Ryan R.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen “No drama” on a man’s dating profile. It used to get my hackles up. Do they think we want drama? But when I cut the poor things some slack for being such literal beings, it kinda made sense: most men over 50 are coming off a failed relationship, generally involving unhappiness and drama. Ergo, a man is looking for the opposite. And frankly, so are we. Communicate. Don’t overreact. Don’t project whatever your ex did onto this poor guy. Don’t impute a negative tone in his texts. Don’t get your hackles up! And if he says, I can’t make it, assume it’s the truth. But most importantly, LEAVE YOUR BAGGAGE AT THE CURB. Because your baggage is what’s probably making you do everything I just told you not to do.

SEX

“A man wants a woman who’s as horny as he is. But too much too soon is a red flag. There’s an order to these things!” – Jason W.

You know you want it, and if you don’t, once you meet a fellow you like, you will. Trust me! The good news is he feels the same. To make the most of the occasion, allow him to feel desired – lighten up, flirt, smile. Since men generally see themselves as the fisherman rather than the fish (in terms he’d understand), the first move can be tough for him because he’s not sure how you feel – aka fear of rejection.

Don’t compete. If a man wanted to date a man, he wouldn’t want to date you. Allow him to feel like a man, and enjoy letting your inner goddess shine through. Hold off on ravaging him on the first date. But when it does happen, it’s okay to tell him what you want and need. And for the love of God, if his plumbing doesn’t work the way it used to, don’t turn it into a big deal. Patience, kindness, communication, and sometimes a little blue pill will make everything okay. In the meantime, there are other things you can do… and most men are happy to do it.

CONFIDENCE AND POSITIVITY

“There’s nothing sexier than when a woman laughs.” – George M.

Men just wanna have fun… too. Especially after a divorce or the loss of a partner – both of which are generally a bummer. Don’t be dark or pessimistic. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t complain. And whatever you do, don’t complain about your ex. Because listening to it is not fun or attractive… and you are. Believe it. Own it. Because you are it. A real man is not intimidated by a smart, confident woman. Let the authentic and natural you shine through because that is when we are the most beautiful. And while you’re at it, enjoy it. After all, isn’t this why we date in the first place?

HONESTY

“I’ve walked right past a Match date because she didn’t resemble her photo. She was deceptive. It was one date, and that was it.” – Craig K.

Men want it just as much as we do. The key to this is simple: Don’t lie, and don’t lie by omission either. If you think something is relevant, then mention it. If not, hold it for another time. There’s a delicate dance between being honest and oversharing. And pulleeez don’t lie on your dating profile. If you put pictures of yourself 20 years younger and 20 pounds ago, you will be found out. If you don’t share family values, don’t pretend you do. You will be found out. If things like politics, religion, and common interests are important, don’t pretend they aren’t. You will be found out. If you say you love cats when you are deathly allergic… and he has seven. You will be found out. And most importantly, if you are looking for a relationship, and he isn’t, you will for sure be found out. So, don’t lie to yourself either. He is who he is, as are you, and a lie is a lie is a lie.

FLEXIBILITY

“Men don’t have lists we have gut feelings…” – Jeffrey K.

“I can’t tell you how many women have lists of requirements on their dating profile – nice car, career, bank account…” says a frustrated Jeffrey K. “I once met a woman who didn’t want to go out with me because I was an inch shorter than her. Seriously! Who does that?”

Men have enough demands put on them at work and from their ex-wives. Men over fifty are generally the quintessential bachelor, or on the other side of a relationship where “the ex had too many demands.” Let’s face it, these men want the freedom to train for a triathlon, ride their brand new Harley, and golf with the bros every Sunday – all the things the ex wouldn’t let him do. What they don’t want is an inflexible woman with unreasonable expectations. Don’t pressure him for what you need. And don’t try to make him into what you want. Accept him for exactly who he is because he’s not gonna change this far along, and neither are you.

CARE ABOUT HEALTH AND APPEARANCE

“Why is this a dating topic? Take care of yourself and stay clean.” – Alex S

Enough said.

TO FEEL APPRECIATED

“Men show how they feel by killing snakes and spiders and shit like that. They want to provide – be a man. It’s Paleo. And not the diet kind… Then we want you to thank us.” – Alex S.

Men want to give to you. Caveman wants to bring meat to cavewoman. Well, so does Larry. It’s in his DNA. But men and women communicate differently. A real man will often show you how he feels by his actions – changing a light bulb, fixing your sink… If you expect love to come in romantic prose, you could be waiting a long time. Men over fifty tend to be concerned about their masculinity. Taking him for granted, correcting him, or competing with him could all make him feel emasculated. Allow him to feel like a man. And enjoy being a woman. Accept his coat when he offers it to you. Tell him how kind he is. Appreciate his kindness. And if you have the itch, bake him those chocolate chip cookies to thank him for his kindnesses. Chances are, he will love them and change the oil in your car in return.

MOST OF THE THINGS WOMEN WANT.

“Seriously.” – Kathleen L.

Remember when your friends made you draw the circle and put what you wanted in a man on the inside, and what you didn’t want on the outside? Raise your hand if your circle was jammed-packed, inside and out. If you are over fifty and want to date, and you don’t want to waste your time, know what you really want from a man; the things that would make him special to you. But be reasonable and honest about it. How many things do you really need in that circle? So maybe he’s an inch too short, or drives a Prius, or has brown eyes and six children instead of blue eyes and none… Does any of it really matter if he’s sweet, attentive, and makes you laugh?

Truth is, when looking into the heart of that mature and wise woman you’ve become, chances are it will tell you that most of the scribbles on that piece of paper aren’t important in the long run. And you will discover the things a woman really wants in a man are pretty much the same things a man wants in you.

Read Next:

Common Misconceptions About Dating After 50

6 Top Dating Apps For Women over 50

 

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