When my husband of 42 years passed away in 2017, I did not grieve. I wondered what was wrong with me. I pretended to be sad, and I was to some degree. But I was not depressed and I was not grieving. Eventually, friends and family saw that I was doing fine and stopped worrying about me. So what is it about this mindset that allowed me to survive a life-changing event with such sanity?
I wish I knew what to say when a friend is grieving at the loss of a spouse. Professionals give us the steps of the grieving process, but we can’t go through this process in someone else’s place. When we see our loved ones grieving, we can only stand by and listen. Be there when needed and to be absent when that is needed. We can make sure that the surviving spouse keeps up normal activities and doesn’t slide into the habits of the severely depressed.
When you are the grieving widow? If you are the surviving spouse, you must watch yourself, to make sure you do not slide into long-lasting depression. However, I don’t have a magic pill to cure grief. What I do have is spiritual knowledge and hard work.
Like most Americans, I believe in a supreme being or power. All major religions acknowledge the existence of one god. Beliefs diversify from there, as this supreme being is credited with various attributes and personalities, such as love, judgment, and retribution. I believe that we were made in God’s likeness and what we share is our souls. This was very comforting to me after my husband’s death.
When my husband passed away, I didn’t feel as if he had left me. I felt his presence constantly. It felt as if he would accompany me doing chores around town. I was aghast that he was there, as people would wonder why we were together when he had died. Eventually, I realized that they didn’t see him, so I was more at peace with his presence. Eventually, he stopped coming. I miss that. I guess he didn’t like shopping with me!
My comfort in my emotional state did not come by accident. When my daughter was in grade school, I started studying the Light Body and going to meditation seminars. I also studied advanced consciousness with light body colleague Jonette Crowley at the Center for Creative Consciousness. I tried to keep my life as positive as possible, keeping myself physically and socially active. In this way, I easily rolled over the bumps of life, understanding that there was a purpose for everything and if I didn’t know what that purpose was, that was okay.
After death, we must look ahead. What do we want to do in our future? As individuals, we want to be loved. We want to be healthy and fit. We want to be relevant. What do we want to be as human beings? We want to be someone who matters, to live moral and compassionate lives. We want to be comfortable in our spiritual beliefs and allow others the freedom of their spiritual beliefs. By seeking to fulfill these wishes until the day we die, we may do the work necessary to not only help ourselves grieve but find peace and acceptance.