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Marriage & Divorce

Single and Looking? You Need a Plan

Single and Looking for Love

Many women in their prime are single and looking for the “right” man to come into their lives but live like they believe in the Cinderella story. Cinderella is a fairy tale and there is no white knight riding up on a horse knocking at your door. If you want to meet the right person, fall in love and get married, then you need to take control of your life. You need a plan. Finding the right person is serious business. You have to answer the questions: What does the right person look like? What do I need in a partner? In a soul mate? Where should I be looking? What should I be doing to meet this goal within a reasonable time? In your business life, you learned how to set a goal, back it up with a plan, and worked on it to get what you needed. Your personal life is at least as important to you as your business life. So, if you want to get happily married to a person with whom you will share the rest of your life, then you need a Plan.

I’m a believer in planning for what you can have. Before you take out the pen and paper, you must be certain this is a goal you want so I ask: Do you or Don’t You Want to Get Married? You can get happily married if you want to. So try to answer this question as truthfully to yourself as you can.

Perhaps you’re ambivalent about the answer to this question. Many women over the age of 50, yes even in their 60s and 70s believe that life has passed them by in the dating field, to say nothing of the married state. If you feel that way, let’s examine why.

Did you have such a bad marriage or two that just turned you off from finding that soul mate who will love you for who you are?

Have you lost confidence in your ability to attract the right person?

Do you believe in your ability to love again?

Do you want someone to share your life with? Not just a significant other whom you go to dinner or travel with, but a person with whom you will also share the rest of your life as a married couple. If you had someone who put you first in his life, if you had someone, who respected you for who you are, if you had someone that you could love and respect, would you then want to get married? Perhaps you don’t want to mess up the finances that you have already set in stone? If so, legal agreements exist that can make you feel comfortable. Perhaps you think your family will look unfavorably upon a marriage. Your kids will feel they will lose your time, money, or involvement. In the end it is your life, and it is getting shorter each day. Your children have their lives for which they are responsible and you are responsible for yours.

Do you believe that you could fall in love and marry this beloved within a reasonable time? Say a year?

Single and looking for marraige?

So many people of your age and beyond have taken the risk and been happy? Why not you? My father-in-law married at the age of 82. His wife was six months older than he. My son is 52 and he plans to be married this summer after being divorced three years. In the adult community where I live we just published a story on a couple who were married at the age of 84 and 86. My friend Diane who lives in Montana told me a story of her friend who “always has a boyfriend. She meets them on Match.com.” As a result, her friend is getting married this spring at the age of 75. So we know age is not a barrier. You can get married whatever your age – if you want to.

So let’s assume the answer is, “Yes, I would like to get married to the right person by this time next year, but there is no one in my life.” This is where you begin to write down the plan. You can use any means for recording but you do need to start writing either at a computer, with your tablet, or grab a pen and paper and write “I want to get married by ___________.” (Insert a date within a year from now.)

You are mature and you can determine what seems reasonable to you but placing your goal out longer than a year is usually a sign that you are not quite committed to the goal. You can be married in a year. It takes work but it’s worth it. That’s all for now but in our next article we will continue to discuss what you need for this plan.

 

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