When Dr. Ruth Westheimer, often known as Dr. Ruth, passed away in July at the age of 96, she left behind quite a legacy. She was well-known around the world, and her advice was highly regarded across generations. For the majority of her life, she was known as one of the best-known sex therapists in the business.
As she got older, however, she shifted to other topics. In her final book, The Joy of Connections, which was published posthumously, she discusses a topic that Prime Women finds to be of the utmost importance: loneliness. Dr. Ruth felt like she had a true grasp of the topic because of her life leading up to the book’s inception. Twice divorced and then widowed, Dr. Ruth had intimate knowledge of what it means to be lonely.
Aging Alone
Dr. Ruth wasn’t alone in her experiences with life and love. According to the American Psychological Association, when it comes to divorce, “The rate among adults age 50 and older has surged upward, doubling between 1990 and 2010 before leveling off more recently.” By 2019, the percentage of gray divorces, or those among adults aged 50 and older, had grown to 36%. And after divorce? 76.6% of women stay single.
While divorce might not be a thought in your mind, there’s always the chance you’ll experience what Dr. Ruth did with her third husband: the death of a spouse. According to research, “An analysis of data shows that the life expectancy gap between men and women has widened to nearly 6 years, from a low of 4.8 years in 2010.” The unfortunate truth is that – barring major health issues or accidents – there’s a good chance you’ll outlive your spouse. And that can be a truly lonely thought.
Tackling Loneliness
What is loneliness, really? Well, one definition is sadness because one has no friends or company. Wow… I don’t know about you, but that seems a little blunt and, honestly, a little too simple for my liking. For me, it’s a complex feeling that stems from so much more than just being alone. I suspect that Dr. Ruth agreed because, in the opening of her book, she wrote, “Unlike solitude, which can be sought-after and peaceful, loneliness stems from a sense of social isolation. You might be surrounded by people from morning to night, but if you feel invisible to them, like you don’t matter, you will likely feel alone.”
While there are many ways to combat loneliness, from joining a club to getting a part-time job or volunteering, sometimes it’s more a matter of changing your mindset. Dr. Ruth presents a resounding and well-thought-out list of additional ways to connect with the world around you.
The Joy of Connections
In The Joy of Connections, Dr. Ruth tackled the topic of how to combat loneliness and offered 100 ways to increase your connectivity right now. Not just theories, mind you, but concrete ideas and opportunities that you can work with. She approached the topic with compassion, pulling on the memories of her own story, from the terror of losing her family to the holocaust to living in an orphanage. She then had to rebuild her life in America, where she built the career for which she’s so well known. All of that could break a person, but Dr. Ruth found perseverance and used that strength and knowledge to teach others.
In her book, Dr. Ruth wrote, “I know that if we talk openly about loneliness—unapologetically and without euphemisms—those who are feeling painfully disconnected will feel less alone, too.” She also offers a “Menu for Connection” that she likens to the food pyramid, with varying amounts assigned to each of the five categories. This list includes Self, which contains the most opportunities for connections, followed by Family, Friends & Lovers, Community, and finally, Technology. It’s important to note that the Technology category receives the fewest opportunities and is, in fact, not really connected to the others. Dr. Ruth’s approach not only offers a wide variety of connections but also gives you guidance on how to get the most benefit from each.
Get Connected
There’s no time like the present to start enhancing your happiness level, and that can start with a simple connection. Will you start with some self-reflection, or will you try to look outside of yourself for new opportunities? If you’re unsure where to start, like many of us, feel free to grab Dr. Ruth’s book and get some guidance and ideas. As Dr. Ruth says, “You can bring loneliness to its knees. Unlike a fatal disease, loneliness, I’ve learned, is curable.”
Feature Image Courtesy of Amazon Publishing
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