Falling in love is easy. Staying in love … well … isn’t. Or at least it feels that way. Years past the honeymoon phase, when those intoxicating butterflies have long flown away, the day in and day out of living with another person can get stale. Relationships, like any other aspect of life, require nurturing and attention in order to flourish.
The sparks that first ignite a relationship are the result of a mix of feel-good sex hormones like dopamine and norepinephrine. But, as time passes, if that spark is neglected, the hormones can grow tired, and the flame can die, leaving you feeling disconnected and unsatisfied.
Don’t panic! This isn’t a sign of failure. Rather, it’s an opportunity for growth and reconnection. So, while you may not be able to recreate that overwhelming feeling of infatuation, you can reach new depths of intimacy and be closer than ever. As long as both of you are open-minded, willing to make adjustments, and open to trying new things, it’s possible to bring back that steam and have a relationship that’s more fulfilling than ever.
Use your words
Effective communication lies at the heart of any successful relationship. Good communication can help you clarify misunderstandings, let each other know how you feel, and deepen your connection. Rekindle love by speaking with care and compassion and avoiding blame. Remember the power of words and use heartfelt ones when talking to your partner. Take time to openly and honestly discuss your feelings, desires, and concerns. Create a safe space where you both feel heard and understood. Practice active listening, empathy, and validation to strengthen your connection and foster intimacy. And don’t forget things like “I love you,” “Thank you,” “I appreciate you,” and “I miss you.” Said with genuine emotion, these little expressions of affection can go miles towards revitalizing your bond.
Be curious about your partner
Remember when you and your partner first started dating? You were attentive, aware, and couldn’t get enough of him. You wanted to know what he was thinking and feeling at all times, every detail of his past, and his dreams for the future. You were a fountain of questions and an active and empathetic listener. Well, guess what? It made him feel great. And it made him want you. So, get out those ears and get curious!
Rediscover shared interests
Think back to the activities and hobbies that initially brought you together. Whether it’s cooking, hiking, painting, or salsa dancing, reigniting shared interests can reignite that flame. Set aside time to revisit these activities, allowing you to bond over shared passions while creating new experiences together.
Walk down memory lane
Every couple faces tough times and it’s easy to obsess on the negative. To counteract this, focus on past moments of joy and connection. Revisiting your relationship’s roots can help with the heat. Visit the site of your first date – that first meal, that first dance, that first kiss. Look through old photo albums, read letters, emails and text strands from the good times, the romantic times, the sexy times. Relive those memories and rekindle love.
Romantic gestures
When you and your partner were just starting out, you thought about ways to make each other feel special – hiding love notes, planning extravagant dates, surprise gifts, flowers… Let’s face it, it’s always nice to be thought of, and it feels nice to do something special for your partner as well. Think about ways to make them feel loved: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation. These little things might be just what you need to move that red light to green.
Have sex!
Sexual bliss is hard to maintain over time. Add in the pressures of life, and we busy adults may find we simply don’t have the energy for sex by the time we hit the pillow at night. Snap out of it! Shake up that old, stale routine. Because when your relationship lacks spice, amping up your sex life is a good idea.
One of the most common reasons couples fall into a rut is the pursuer-avoider roles that develop over time. Change your pattern of initiating sex. Mix things up. Vary the kind of sex you have. Maintain a sense of curiosity. Set the mood before TV or work kills your passion. When the mood strikes, focus on meeting your partner’s needs and communicating your own in a loving and respectful way.
Don’t have sex
Conversely, it might also be best to take sex out of the equation – for now. Forgoing sex for a bit can help relax the situation, as well as create a buildup of sexual tension. Our brains experience more pleasure when the anticipation of sex lingers before we receive it.
Be physical
Intimacy plays a vital role in maintaining a healthy relationship. However, it’s not just about sex but also about non-sexual touch, such as cuddling, holding hands, or giving each other massages. If you and your partner enjoyed kissing at the beginning of your relationship, making it a more common occurrence again could stir those romantic feelings.
Be impetuous
Routine can lead to monotony, which is not sexy. Inject some spontaneity and excitement into your relationship by surprising your partner with thoughtful gestures or impromptu outings. Whether it’s a surprise picnic in the park, a spontaneous road trip, or some brand-new lingerie, embracing spontaneity can add a thrilling and adventurous element to your relationship.
Appreciate your partner
Never underestimate the power of appreciation. Over time, we can start to take each other for granted. Ergo, one of the easiest ways to bring back the spark is to simply notice the things your partner does. Take the time to acknowledge their efforts – whether it’s through a simple thank you note or a heartfelt compliment. Feeling appreciated and valued can strengthen your bond and fan that flame.
Try new things
Explore new experiences together to keep things fresh and exciting. Whether it’s a new restaurant, a new hobby, or traveling to a place you’ve never been before, embracing novelty can stimulate dopamine levels and let loose feelings of excitement and passion. And while you’re at it, try something physical. Join a sports team, take a dance class, go for a hike… Not only is exercise good for you, but adrenaline and endorphins can increase attraction, which is even better.
Work on yourself
Investing in self-improvement not only benefits you but also your relationship. Take time to prioritize self-care. Pursue your own interests. Work on your own personal growth. When you feel fulfilled and confident as an individual, you bring positive energy into your relationship, which can only deepen that connection.
Seek professional help
If you find that, despite all of your efforts, you’re still struggling to bring that zing back into your relationship, consider seeking professional help. Relationship counseling, family therapists, and sex therapists can provide valuable guidance and support in navigating challenges and strengthening your connection with your partner – from communication to sexual intimacy.
The bottom line is that putting the spark back into your relationship requires effort, intentionality, and a willingness to prioritize connection. Remember, relationships must constantly be tended to, but the rewards of a deeply connected and thriving partnership are immeasurable. So, if your sizzle has fizzled, keep your chin up. All is not lost. Life is long, relationships ebb and flow, and even the smallest spark, if nurtured and encouraged, can eventually become a roaring blaze.
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