We’ve become so careful of our words lately – it seems that everyone is always ready to pounce on whatever comment you make, no matter the topic or the intent. I find myself avoiding several serious subjects for fear I’ll set someone off, remind them of a sad memory, or simply make them feel uncomfortable.
That’s why when I got the opportunity to read an advance copy of The Adjustable Lives of Women by Sharon Paskoff, I jumped at it. The book touches on some complex, emotional topics that allow us to delve deeper into the emotions that are key to healthy living. The story is told by a radio talk show host who is intent on giving her audience a voice and letting them know their stories, feelings, and experiences matter. The host, Candice Bartlett, works with her producer, Barbara Ann, to find the right balance between empowering women to tell their stories (and, in turn, help other women better understand themselves) and not cross the line into too personal. The women’s differences bring loving conflict into the stories, allowing the readers to see that just because you disagree, it doesn’t mean you can’t still be the best of friends. I think that’s a great lesson in this day and age.
Some of the poignant topics we hear about from Candice’s audience include PTSD, family challenges, addiction, and the death of a child. We also see the relationship that Candice has with her mother, who, at the age of 89, suffers from MDS, a blood cancer. You can feel the pain and grief she has from the interactions she has with her, having to see the woman that she’s called Mom her entire life change from caregiver to care receiver. Many of us are either at the age or are approaching a time when we’ll have to face the challenges and changes that an aging parent brings. However, we also see how a strong support system can bring hope even in the darkest hours.
The Adjustable Lives of Women is funny, heartwarming, occasionally sad, and quite relatable to women as they navigate life. It’s a lovely, page-turning story that reminds us that while not all of our stories are the same, our emotions and experiences are similar. It’s nice to remember that despite our differences, our similarities bond us and drive us to find hope and resilience in life – even when faced with crushing grief.
Tough Conversations
I’ve had friends who have faced crushing losses in their lives, including the death of a child and the loss of one or more parent. Truth be told – I never know what to say. For me, one of the key highlights of this book is the real conversations that Sharon – via Candice – has with women who have suffered unimaginable loss in their lives. They share what people told them that helped and comments they thought were both heartless and inappropriate. I’ve taken note of what they felt was helpful, knowing that I’ll be a better friend and source of support in the future – because helping someone feel better during a time of great sadness is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.
Getting to the Heart of the Book
While reading The Adjustable Lives of Women, I was intrigued by what motivated Sharon to write the book and who she expects to be her target audience. I’m also always curious about the inspiration for the main characters, and Candice was no exception. Thus, I was delighted to have the opportunity to interview Sharon and discuss the book. Here’s some of our conversation – I’m sure you’ll find her process and inspiration as enjoyable as I did.
Question and Answer with Author Sharon Paskoff:
How would you describe The Adjustable Lives of Women, and who do you think will enjoy reading it?
“This is a story about how women adjust. Throughout the course of our lives, we have to make changes to fit new situations and fit what’s going on around us in the world. I think the book will especially resonate with women 40+ who are embarking on the journeys and experiences that are discussed.
What inspired the idea for the book, and was it difficult to mix grief and humor?
“Searching for hope when hope is hard to find. When faced with hard times or tragic moments, it can be hard to see the hope ahead of us. I got my sense of humor from my mom, and I’ve found that humor can be especially helpful in hard moments, though that’s not always true for everyone. Still, it can be a great tool for breaking the tension that grief or sadness can bring, even if just for a little while.”
Tell us about Candice, your main character. How and why did you create her?
“I live in Atlanta, and we tend to spend a lot of time in our cars going from one thing to the next. I really enjoy talk radio and feel that listening in the car makes it feel especially personal. The host’s voice resonates all around you, and you feel like you’re a part of the conversation. Candice was born from that idea – that you can have a voice on the radio that you feel really gets you and hears you.”
“I also liked the aspect that Candice’s office gave to the story. While her show brings in the voices of her listeners and their stories, her coworkers and her personal life allowed for a bit of conflict, which added depth to the story.”
Searching for hope when hope is hard to find is a theme of the book. What different types of hope do you explore, and how do people search for hope?
“The story explores searching for hope for information, patience, happiness, strength, understanding, and hope for healing. People can search for hope by reading enlightening books, using Google for research, prayer, finding a support group, and shifting their mood with exercise. Sometimes, you depend on faith in the distance over the horizon to find hope.”
How do you handle criticism of your work, and what is Grown Women Knowledge?
“If someone doesn’t like my work, I try not to take it personally. The goal of my book is to inform, entertain, support, and applaud women; if I can do that, more often than not, any negative thoughts or opinions are worth it. As far as Grown Women Knowledge, that’s really an inner voice, but louder. I think it often comes with age and experience, but some women get it much earlier in life. It can be a great guiding light and keep us honest and hopeful when that doesn’t seem possible.”
What is the significance of the title, and what do you hope readers will take away from your book?
“The title ‘The Adjustable Lives of Women’ comes from how women adjust to the changes, challenges, chaos, and sadness in their lives. From infancy to motherhood, careers, and caring for aging parents – we must adjust to the world and the changes around us.
As for what readers will take away from the book, there are a number of things that stand out, but the main one has to be hope. I hope they’ll feel a sense of connection and relatability with the stories and situations that Candice and her listeners face. I hope the topics that I cover will resonate and help them with their Grown Women Knowledge. And I hope they’ll feel a connection with the world around them and know that they aren’t alone.”
Conclusion
After reading The Adjustable Lives of Women, I took stock of what stood out to me and even revealed some of the items in my interview with Sharon. I’m in the age group she mentioned – 40+ – and I’m facing some of the same situations as Candice and her listeners. The frank discussions and important topics that they discussed resonated with me. I believe I now have a better set of tools to deal with obstacles and a better understanding of how to best be there for others when they’re grieving. And, as challenges undoubtedly present themselves to me, I hope to navigate better – and adjust – to best handle situations.
