How many times have you said, “All the men are taken. The men I meet or see on online dating sites are boring, bald, messy, sex-crazed, too this, not enough that.”
I hear this all the time, “I don’t have a man because all the good ones are taken.” It’s the most common complaint single women who don’t want to be single make.
I agree; not having quality men to date stinks. But, it only stinks if it were true and it’s not true.
I’m going to give you a few good reasons why:
That’s a lot of men and you can’t argue with the facts. The numbers show there’s ample single men.
You’re not impressed with the numbers alone? You say, “Yes, but, they’re not quality men.”
Go to an online dating site and search for men who show possibilities of being a good mate. Look for over 50, taller than 5’9”, college-educated, non-smoking, occasional drinker, earning $75k+ and within 25 miles of where you live. I did this recently because I wanted to see who’s in the part of town where I live. There were over 2,000 men who matched this exact criteria.
That means there are over 2,000 age-appropriate, educated, healthy men, making a good living just in my area and they’re all looking to meet someone.
Really? No good men? None of these men could be worth your attention?
This scenario plays out constantly as I help women use online dating. My client looks at hundreds of profiles and says there’s no one. I help her look at profiles differently. I help her look at men differently – with kindness, openness and looking at what includes them versus what excludes them.
Suddenly, she finds a lot of men that she’s open to meeting and interested in meeting.
This isn’t just online dating. My client, Kelly, started looking around with grown up eyes. She saw Joe, an old friend of hers who was just waiting for her to recognize that he was the right man for her. They’re in a serious relationship now. She never would’ve given him the time of day if she hadn’t opened her eyes and gotten rid of ‘there’s no good men’ bunk.
There are thousands of good men all around you. You just have to be willing to see them.
The thought of believing there are no good men is something you’ve actually given yourself permission to believe. Why? Because believing it makes it all about the men. It’s their problem and their fault. It takes responsibility away from you.
It’s human nature: When you want to be right, you search for evidence to prove you’re right. When you’re ready to open your heart and mind that there are good men everywhere, you’ll see the evidence of that, too.
What I see with women with whom I work is that we judge harshly and we judge quickly. We look for what excludes them instead of what includes them.
Yes, you do deserve a high-quality, smart, interesting man. But, do you know him when you see him?
Here’s a shift you can make to start seeing good men all around you:
First, accept the facts – there are hundreds of thousands of men who are single and looking. You only need one.
It’s time to get real because hiding behind this belief is not serving you. In fact, it’s keeping you from what you want most in your life.
Second, you’re looking for a great mate – not just a great date. I encourage you to forego the idea that some perfect man is going to sweep you off your feet. Start focusing on finding a man with whom you can feel happy, safe and adored.
It means taking responsibility for what you do want; thinking about it and what it looks like in real life.
Otherwise, you’re waiting for a fantasy. A man’s who’s a little short or a man who doesn’t have a college degree can still make you feel loved, happy and be a great life partner. Unless you give him a chance to prove himself you won’t know and, that usually means more than one date.