While you were probably excited when your older children first decided to leave the nest, when they move a distance away, it can be a little harder to handle an empty nest. You may feel your relationship is difficult to maintain and that you’re not as close as you once were.
The good news is that the old adage, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” is very true. There are many ways to stay connected and continue to grow the relationship with your adult children, despite the empty nest. Below are some of the do’s and dont’s that can help keep your relationship strong, even when your children move away.
It is not only important to provide them with support and a little bit of praise in their adult life, but you also want to avoid being overly critical of their decisions. Even though your children are older, they want to please you, and it is essential to remember that even though they may do things differently than you, it doesn’t mean what they are doing is wrong. When conversing with your child over the phone, try to make sure the conversation has more positive than negative interactions and that the end of the conversation strikes a positive note.
Even with your children’s busy lives, set traditions are hard to bail on. They are a great way to focus on being together and the perfect chance to make sure the whole family stays connected. While it is important to schedule family traditions, make sure you don’t guilt your children into attending. There may be times when it is too difficult to make, or they will need to spend time with the other side of their family. Be flexible. The traditions may have to be every other year to make this accommodation.
It is really hard to not offer your children advice on everything from parenting to home renovation. You spent a large part of your life guiding them through the major decisions they would encounter, so it can be very hard to take a step back and allow your child to succeed or fail on their own. Your children may have a different set of needs or priorities than you at that age, and their decisions will be based on their current life experience.
When they do ask for advice, help them work through the pros and cons of the decisions, but let them know they need to make the final decision of what to do. Consider yourself there for guidance, not for telling them what to do. Once they make their decision, stick by them and support it.
Building this relationship is not only vital to maintaining a good relationship with your child, but also with your grandchildren. When you have a good relationship with your in-laws, family events can be much more pleasant. You may also find there is higher probability of your child attending family events by hosting ones that combine both families.
Instead, consider setting up a regular time once a week to FaceTime your child and grandchildren and catch up. It will give you something to look forward to, and if it is on a regular schedule, your child will not feel as though it is an interruption.
You can also stay connected by sending occasional care packages of items your child may like. Nothing is better than receiving surprises after a long day. Make sure to keep your gifts limited to thoughtful items and not things that could be misconstrued as being judgemental such as books for improving finances or new diet recipes. If you decide to send packages, don’t get caught up on receiving an acknowledgment call or thank you card right away. The gift should come from the heart with no strings attached.
It is vital to remember, even though your child is creating his or her own life and building their own new relationships, it does not mean they need the security of your relationship any less. Once your child moves away, leaving you with an empty nest, the nature of your relationship may change. But by following the tips above you can help it evolve into a new relationship – instead of a change that creates physical AND emotional distance.