As we get older, it seems that everything starts to change. That’s especially true during menopause when our hair starts to thin, our body starts to thicken, and a great night’s sleep seems like a dream. But one aspect of our aging bodies that can be incredibly frustrating is a lowered libido. In our 20’s and 30’s, sometimes just looking at an attractive man could get our engine revving, or as Dr. Karen Leggett puts it, give us ‘that tingling sensation.’
There are steps we can take to get the rev back in the engine, though, and ways to ensure that sex later in life is not only comfortable and wanted but just as pleasurable as it was in our younger years. Dr. Karen Leggett, a Women’s Midlife Specialist, discusses what we need to know about a diminished or lost libido – and how to get that fire burning again.
You’re Not Alone
When I was a young mom, I joined a local Mom’s Club. Every week we would meet at a predetermined location to let the kids play while we moms chatted. While it was great for my kids to burn some energy and work on their social skills, the most significant benefit for me was realizing how normal my life/marriage/parenting problems and concerns were. Their kids also threw tantrums in the store which caused a scene. Their husbands also left their dirty clothes on the floor, seemingly unaware that there was a hamper nearby.
It’s common sense that you aren’t alone with life’s little problems, and they aren’t unique to you, but hearing it from someone else is cathartic. It’s such a release and can help you get over things faster and find solutions easier because you know there are other women like you out there. That’s how I felt when I watched Dr. Leggett’s video (located at the beginning of this article). I felt relief when I realized that a declining libido and loss of interest in sex are common in women (and men too). Not only that but there are things you can do to fix it!
Use It or Lose It
Dr. Leggett is nothing short of an expert when it comes to sex, lower libido, and finding solutions to problems with both. One common issue that sexually inactive women face is that a lack of use of our vagina causes it to change – i.e., if you don’t use it, you lose it. According to Dr. Leggett, “The vagina can get shorter, tighter, and lose its elasticity… Which means sex can be painful.” If you find yourself avoiding sex because you’re afraid it might hurt, there are steps to lessen the fear and get back out there. First, schedule an exam with your doctor so they can make sure everything is in order. Second, make sure you’ve got a healthy vagina, which can be achieved through hormone replacement therapy.
In the video, Dr. Leggett discusses how the estrogen creams we use on our skin don’t really affect the health of our vagina, so we need to use some specifically designed for use in and around it. According to Dr. Leggett, “There are bioidentical hormones that restore the vagina, make sure it’s elastic, and make sure that it’s long, or rather, the length that it should be.” This can also strengthen the vaginal muscles, which not only give you a stronger orgasm but have the added benefit of preventing urinary leakage.
If you’re feeling worried or embarrassed about being physical – especially after a prolonged absence of sexual activity – it’s time to hand those fears over to the experts. Don’t let them keep you from having the fulfilling sex life that’s possible – with a bit of work. Plus, the more you know about what libido is, the better chance you have to increase it.
The Truth About Intimacy
If pure, physical, raw sex isn’t what interests you, you’re not alone. Dr. Leggett says that the truth about intimacy is that it’s so much more than simple penetration. True intimacy includes touching, caressing, and simply being with someone you love. If it goes further than that, good for you. But don’t be surprised if that’s enough for both you and your partner. Perhaps not every night, but more often than you might expect. Remember that your definition of intimacy and your view of what intimacy is will probably evolve as you get older, so it’s natural for your needs and wants to change.
Dr. Leggett’s insights and advice show that knowledge is power – and that’s especially true with our changing bodies. Don’t let your menopause symptoms or fading libido prevent you from achieving a wonderful sex life and true intimacy. There are answers out there to all of your challenges and experts that can guide you on the path to happiness and fulfillment.
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